Disneyland, Cookies and Christmas!!

Family photo by the tree in California Adventure!

 I know I know!!  I am sooo behind on blogging!!  I have been getting messages asking when I was going to blog again.  It is nice to know you all care:)  It has been super busy so you all know how that goes but here is a recap.  So first we went to Disneyland!  We took the kids for their Christmas gifts from us.  We had some friends come down and go with us and we had a lot of fun!  A lot of craziness but fun! 

Hanging out with Mickey in Toon Town

Minnie in Toon Town

 Then it was time to get home and start our adventure of making Christmas fun for 4 kids.  Although Jayce really could care less...lol.  We decorated cookies for Santa.

Brecken apparently does not know what I mean by put the icing ON the cookie.

Bailey does not know the meaning of "for Santa"

Taylor seemed to get it.....

 Then Christmas morning!!  Brecken asked for a Hawkeye bow and arrow from Santa!  He was VERY excited to see he got what he asked for!  Taylor asked for a pillow pet dream light.  Bay got a bunch of stuff for her doll and Jayce got a floor gym.  He was very excited.

Hawkeye Bow!!!

Baileys favorite present was a doll Grandma sent:)

Taylor got a bunch of big girl stuff.  Make-up, jewelry kit and scrapbooking fun!

Jayce obviously loved this outfit!

My friend Jennifer Sharp got the kids some gifts but I was sure she probably bought this for me but got the wrong size.  I will let Bailey have it.

So I know that is kind of short and sweet.  I will try and keep up now on here.  I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and that you have a Happy New Year!!!

Homeschooling....

Now let me just tell you growing up I was SO against homeschooling.  I have no idea why...maybe it was the pasty white kids who shielded their eyes as they walked out into the sun every couple weeks when done with homeschooling.  Or the fact that none of them talked and they all walked in line behind their moms like soldiers.  You know....THOSE kids when we were all walking home from school with all our friends in colored clothing and laughing at Tommy blowing milk out his nose in the lunch room...yeah high school was awesome....lol.  So anyways that obviously never happened anywhere but the horror movies where the kids ended up actually being dead or something weird like that...well the milk thing happened....couple times....stupid jocks....lol.  ANYWAYS I have no clue why I was against it.  Being uneducated about how it really was probably had a massive factor in all of it.  So we started our lovely little kiddos in public school because of course...they rock and have normal people and that is what everybody does....right?

Oy....let me say that first of all schools are nothing like when we went and we went at some pretty sad and dark times.  Columbine happened a couple blocks away from our high school.  We were the high school they played in sports and such down the street.  So we went through our scary moments.  I do not blame the schools or teachers whatsoever on this so please do not take this the wrong way and it ALL is only my opinion BUT I feel it was 99% the parents fault....I know I know...blame the mom.  I just feel like parents used to hold their kids responsible and now they blame it on everybody else but the kid and dang it those kids need their butts whipped once in a while!  Geeeeeeez!  Crazy how much parents allow their kids to do and if I hear one more parent say "Well he is like that because he has ADD"......AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!  Now do not get me wrong.  I do feel that is a condition however I feel it is VERY over diagnosed and sometimes the kid just needs a parent to step up and take on the parenting role and NOT ALLOW THEM TO ACT LIKE THAT!!!  I get you all think my kids are angels and that I have no idea since I live with such well behaved children....a little hint....I DID NOT ALLOW THEM TO ACT LIKE THAT!!  My kid threw themselves on the ground and oh yeah...mama got the spoon!  NO WAY my kid is pulling that crap!  Although they still try and I will never be the mom that says "my kid will never..." since as soon as I say it they are doing it.  I just find certain behavior unexceptionable and my children do get spanked for it.  Do I beat them...no.  I would like to sometimes but I do not.  They get a spank on the butt and that is it.  I must say if you are sitting there thinking "yeah but she does not have any strong willed children (yes out of 4 kids I never had one strong willed.....BAILEY....child at all)" however keep in mind that I do I just controlled it before it got out of hand.  If it ain't cute at 12 it ain't cute at 2.  OMG sorry....back to homeschooling....lol.

So a couple reasons we decided to homeschool.  First of all we prayed long and hard about this.  We waited until God said it was time and that was when we pulled the kids out of public school.  Taylor was coming home and talking about how mean kids were and was telling me what they were doing.  They were not making fun of her but of other kids and she did not like it.  That is when she started coming home a little sad each day because of this and if you know her you know it takes a lot to bring her down...she has an amazingly happy spirit.  Another reason was I wanted to be involved with their education!  I could volunteer in the kids classes but I was not allowed to bring other kids.  Wa wa wa...yep....can't do that.  Then I noticed Brecken was not learning what he needed to.  Those were our BIG reasons.  Some smaller ones were Brecken has 5 therapies a week and I am getting worn out from doing all his therapies and school so I can imagine how he is!  We decided it would be best to pull him and keep him in his more intense therapies then in the school therapies.  It was just too much.  Plus he would cry when we tried to take him to school which is weird for him too.  He is a very happy kid and loves to play.  Then being a military family and having Doug in and out of deployments and such, I just figured it would be nice to be able to pick up and go back to Colorado for a couple days if I wanted to and not be worried about the truancy officers showing up at my house.  California is crazy on their school attendance laws.  Then I started hearing about teachers strikes and kids were suffering for it and then the whole morning after pill will be offered to high school girls (they are starting this in NY)....I was done.  Too much for a kid to worry about that they should not even be thinking about!  SO all in all we decided this was best for out kids at this time in our lives.

Now let me just say I have MANY friends who are teachers and they are good!  I would love my kids to be under them and I do not think that teachers get paid enough whatsoever but when you are a military family and you are seeing soldiers on food stamps and getting any other help they can because they are not getting paid enough and instead of going on strike they volunteer for a deployment and leave their kids and spouse behind in hopes they will see them again to make a little extra money...then you tend to frown upon people going on strike....especially when you are letting kids pay for it and then we have the awesome referee strike which cost a couple football teams some wins...that is a WHOLE other blog...just all bad.

So back to homeschool....lol...wow I am on a ROLL today!!  Taylor has been doing great so far!  She loves it and I love working with her.  Brecken is already doing better then he was!  It is working out so far and we shall see where this takes us.  Please do not take anything in here offensive.  It is all my opinions and I have slept no more then 2 hours straight since September 1st so I get to rant once in a while.

Now we are in day 2 and I must say as crazy as the kids are making me it is going well!  I am actually enjoying it and Taylor seems to like it also and as weird as it is I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. 

Mothering ALL my kids!

So I just saw a post from a mom whom I started following who has a special needs son.  Same thing as Brecken and about the same severity.  Her son is 9 now so I really like reading what she is going through as a mom and how he is doing being that Brecken seems to be on the same track.  While I agree with some stuff she says there are certain things I do disagree with.  Today she had written an article about how mothering is the most important thing for a special needs child.  Yep...I agree....however the article was so focused on her special needs son there was no mention of her daughter.  I often do this too when I get on a role about how hard it is to mother a special needs kiddo.  I love my son so much and I hope he knows how much I adore him and yes taking him to all his doctors, therapies and such is a lot.  I never imagined I would be doing this once I had a family of my own.  My life literally revolves around Brecken more then any of my other kids because of his needs.  I often catch myself hearing other moms talk about how hard their day is with all they have to do and think "try throwing a couple therapies on top of that" or "yeah in the middle of helping one kid with homework I am rushing my son into a warm bath because he is having painful spasms in his legs".  I try not to do this because I understand how hard being a mom is period.

As of now yes my boys take more of my time but my girls are definitely taking more of my mental sanity.  Haha.   So personally I think mothering is the most important job no matter what.  For all 4 of my kids.  I try and get to where they all have something in their lives.  Taylor is in gymnastics so that she has something that is for her and no one else.  We try and take her out on dates so she does not have to be surrounded with "Brecken" on everything.  She enjoys his therapies and helping me with him but we have had her comment on "why does Brecken have to have Cerebral Palsy".  She never says it in a mean way or anything like that but she sees other families and knows that they do not have to do a lot of the stuff we have to.

I KNOW God gave me her as my first child for a reason.  She is an amazing big sister and a huge help to me.  Especially since we live the military life and my husband will be gone for days to months to years at a time.  I know she does the same exact thing I do too though.  She looks at other family's and wonders how it would be if we could be more "normal".  Although being 6 she does not realize that all family's have their challenges. 

Bailey on the other hand is my kiddo who knows something is up with Brecken but she is not quite sure what it is.  She pushes him around and tells him to keep up which is awesome because it does push him.  I have a feeling she is going to be the one who pushes him the hardest and be in his face when he gets older telling him to get up and try harder when he wants to quit.  She is a crazy stubborn girl who loves her big brother and will want to see him do his best no matter what.

Jayce already pushes Brecken.  Brecken sees him and gets that he is his big brother and I see him wanting to be the best big brother he can for him which in turn makes Brecken push harder.

So all in all YES parenting a special needs child is important however not forgetting that there are other ones looking to you to be the mom you need to be is just as important.  Making time for my other son and my girls is just as important to me as being the strong mama Breck needs.

I love my kids and yes they ALL drive me nuts sometimes but they are ALL worth it every single day!  Every night when I go to bed I always think my worst days with my kids is 1,000 times better then the best days I had without them.  Being a mom is hard and no joke but it is a job only the amazing and strong can handle and I say if you still have the same number of kids at the end of the day that you started the day with...you are super mom!! 

Never Say Never

I read this on my friends blog and actually remember her saying some of her "I will nevers" and I am SO sure people remember me saying mine so I figure this was a good list because it is very true.  So here are some things I have said I would never do as a mom and now I realize I never ever say that I will never because I end up doing it.  I also will never be that mom who says "My child would never..." because as soon as I say that they are doing it....lol.  A lot of these are the same as my friends so here is my list.

1.  I will never let my house go more then a week without being cleaned....HAHA!
2.  I will never have the TV be a babysitter for my kids.  Yeah that one did not last at all...lol.
3.  I will never bribe them to be good since they should always just be good and listen (yeah ask my kids what they got for our last grocery trip).
4.  I will never yell at my kids or say things my mom used to say....HA!
5.  I will never say "because I said so"
6.  I will never give my kids junk food in the mornings (again ask my kids what they got for our last grocery trip...lol)
7.  I will never pretend like I did not see something they are not supposed to do just to get out of disciplining them....oy.


Here are a couple things I think I have held strong too which I know a lot of moms have since I am surrounded my awesome mamas.

1.  I will not allow my kids to not hear me tell them I love them often.
2.  I will not go very long without hugging them.
3.  I will not allow them to think I do not mess up...often...I am trying my best and there are days....there are days I just think "wow how on EARTH are they turning out so good with me as their mom".
4.  I will NEVER EVER forget to thank God for them and for allowing me to be their mom.

Jayce Christian Levy

 Jayce Christian Levy was born Saturday September 1st 2012 at 04:07.  He is 5 pounds and 14 ounces and 19 1/4 inches long.  So I went into labor and delivery with pain in my c-section scar and they wanted to keep me overnight.  So they doped me up with Vicodin and Ambien and as soon as I started to get all loopy they decided they wanted to go ahead and pull little man out.  So I do not remember a lot of what happened.  Doug said I was pretty out of it and I kept falling asleep during the delivery.  I remember hearing him cry and then they took him to NICU.  As soon as I got out of recovery I heard the news when my little man was not in my room.

 Jayce has Transient Tachypnea of the Newborn (TTN).  He has fluid in his lungs.  This is actually a pretty common thing for kids who are born via c-section.  They just do not get that squeeze to get all the fluid out that a vaginal birth canal provides.  So as of right now they have him in an incubator with a mask strapped over his nose and a tube down his throat.  He is hooked up to monitors and has an IV.  At first I was really upset about this (who would not be seeing their kid hooked up to all of this stuff) but he is getting better and it is all working.  I have not been able to nurse and I still have not gotten to hold him.  I really want to hold my baby boy!  So for now he is still in NICU and I am in my room by my lonesome.  God is good and we have had some amazing people come to our side!  Gary and Charlene Lewis and their girls have pulled together to watch our kids while we are in the hospital.  We have had girls calling to get meals sent to us once we get home.  We have massive amounts of prayers coming our way!  I am confident Jayce is going to heal completely and quickly from this!  Doug has the next month off while we get through this and his work has been amazing on letting him do what he has to do.  Anyways I am a proud mama and excited he has joined us!!  So early too!  His due date was the 25th of September and the c-section was for the 18th but then they moved him up to the 6th and he still did not think that was soon enough so decided the 1st worked best for him.  I am just thankful he waited until September so I got my September baby!!

 Brecken and Taylor have seen him and Taylor was excited to be able to touch him.  Brecken did not want to touch him but he did not want to leave his side either.  I think he was afraid he may hurt him.  I just cannot wait to get my son home and have all the kids together:)  Soon.....soon!

34 weeks, First Day of School and the Beach:)

 So here is my 34 week picture.  Bailey is not happy at all.  Lol.  I am actually 35 weeks now but falling behind on getting pictures up.  Sorry. I know you all want to see me in my fantasticness.  Anyways Jayce is huge and I am done.  I want him out.  Lol.  I am sore and tired and just done.

 This last week was Taylors first week of 1st grade!!  She likes it so far and her teacher seems nice!  We thought it was Breckens first day too but apparently that is today.  All the parents showed up for his class so they apparently did not inform us all that we all still had another week of summer.  So today will be his first day of school:)

 This weekend we went to the beach. One of the benefits of living by the water is it takes us 2 minutes to get to the beach.  Bailey chased birds the entire time.  I sat and looked like a beached whale.  All in a days work:)

So we have 4 more weeks until this son makes his appearance.  Things are getting busy again because of school and such.  I am done with my summer semester and did really well actually!  I am thinking I am going to take the fall off but we shall see.  3 more weeks until Doug has a month off and 4 more weeks until my mom is out here to help.  I am ready!!!  Bring on kiddo #4!!

Ladies, Birthdays and a LARGE Belly!!

So the other night I went out on a ladies night with 2 of my favorite girls!!  Charlene and Channa are awesome and they are crazy like us and have a ton of kids so we fit well together:)  We had a lot of fun being away from kiddos for a meal although I got sick that night in the back of Charlenes van...lol.  ALL Jayces fault!!

 Then my hubby turned 29 on the 3rd of August!  We are poor so I found what we had in the kitchen to make a cake for him from scratch.  It was not too bad for my first one.  All I had were pink sprinkles.  Now we are back to the same age:)  Our last year of being in our 20s!!  It is crazy to think we have been together since we were 16.  Seems like so long ago yet like it was yesterday too....well yesterday as in 4 kids and 3 deployments ago...wow:)

 33 weeks!!  I am getting LARGE!!  I feel like a hippo but Jayce is getting so big he is not able to kick me like he used to which is kind of nice.  He flips which can sometimes drop me.  I am thinking he may be bigger then all the other kids.  We shall see:)

 Bailey bug turned 2 on the 9th!!  I cannot believe my baby girl is 2 already!!!  She is all over the place and I LOVE this age so we are having a blast with her!  She is definitely holding her own as the youngest...for now...the other day Brecken took a toy from her and she ran at him at pushed him down...laid him out.  It was not funny at all (I WAS ROLLING!!!!).  ;)  We went in for her 2 year appointment and she is small for her age.  20th percentile but the doctor was very okay with that since she is growing and said she will just be petite:) 

Bailey bug
     You are such an amazing little girl:)  You make me so happy and I love you so much!  Watching you and your brother and sister just fills my heart with joy.  Although I have to tell you that you are the one kiddo out of the rest that is really taking after the Jones name:) and this scares me a little...lol.  You are stubborn and bull headed already at 2 BUT if you are anything like me and your Nana and great grandma this means you are strong and determined...plus if you take after me you will be hilarious;).  I know you are going to be an amazing young women and cannot wait to watch you grow.  Although please take your time...I am loving every minute I have with you and feel like it is all moving so fast.  You are all growing up way too fast:)  I love you Bay and hope you know how much daddy, Tay, Breck and I adore you:)  I know Jayce is going to adore his big sister too.

Mommy

32 weeks, Olympics and Couponing!!

 Yep I am 32 weeks now.  I have my check up today so we shall see how little dude is growing.  He is all over the place.  He moves so much more then the other 3 ever did.  Crazy child he is.  I am feeling large and clumsy.  We are all ready for him though.  I got his car seat this weekend and other odds and ends and I think we are all good!  My mom got her ticket to come out and stay with the kids.  I just have to pack in the next couple weeks and we are all good to go!

 Taylor had Summer Jam last week at our church.  They went from 9-3 everyday and she loved it!  They had water slides and bouncy castles.  She is just getting too big:)  She has 2 more weeks before she starts 1st grade:)

 The Summer Olympics have started!  YAYAYAY!!  I am excited SOMETHING is going on.  We have cable but we never watch it but we keep it for the sports.  Mainly football.  The girls stayed up to watch the Opening Ceremonies.  The kids run in every morning and want it on.  Taylor likes all of it but Brecken really likes the fencing.  Lol.  Anyways it has been fun to watch with the kids this year!!

I also got back into couponing since we are trying to save money.  Here I went to Rite Aid to get back into the swing of things there and I got all this stuff for $3.72.  I was pretty excited.  The toothpaste and mouthwash were free altogether.  I am really excited about all the changes we have made around the house.  Cloth diapering is going very well.  Coupons are awesome!  Making our own laundry soap and softener is great!!  They smell so good!!  Baking and making most of our stuff like bread and such is actually a lot of fun because I am teaching the kids at the same time.  It has all been so worth it lately!!  Well off to get my day started!! 

Tithing:)

First of all I know this is an iffy subject for people altogether.  Even us Christians!!  Should we tithe 10%?  Before or after taxes?  A big question for military is do we tithe off base pay only or everything they pay us?  We receive housing and food allowances.  I am constantly praying over this and wondering what we should do and how much and worrying if we can pay our bills if we do tithe.  So here are the facts from our lives so far.  When we lived in NC we tithed 10%.  FYI tithe means a tenth so that is where we get this number.  We were doing really well in NC so we did not even miss giving that 10% back to God.  I enjoyed it actually in knowing we were obeying what He wanted my family to do.  What I mean by obey is I have no clue what He is telling you to do.  Biblically He was telling my family to tithe our full 10% so I don't want to get in any arguments about what is right and wrong about what the Bible says.  For my family is it 10% of our gross income.  No we do not do after taxes.  We do not pay the government first and then God.  God is first. While in NC we were doing really well so we definitely felt the fruits of our tithing.  Here is another thing:)  God PROMISES to take care of us if we obey the tithe.  Man is so obsessed with money that we give everything to God yet hold back the moola.  In the Bible God even says to test Him on this!  Give Him the 10% and He will bless you even more!  We are a living testimony for that.  He really did bless over and above when we were tithing.  Okay moving on.  So we move to California.  WAY more expensive to live here and they are NOT paying us enough.  So where do we start pulling money from....our tithe:(  Guess what....things are not going well.  Our renter decides not to pay her rent which means we pay the mortgage.  We have had things go wrong with our cars.  Our dryer starts to go out.  Our TVs are acting wonky.  So we pray over all this....a lot.  Then we realize that all this starting happening once we quit tithing.  Ugh!  Duh!  Now again this is a conviction for our family so I do not want people thinking I am telling you what to do with yours.  I feel like God is showing us that yes we can obey when we are making it and making it well but what about when things are tight?  Why are we not trusting Him to take care of us?  He promises in the Bible He will not let us go hungry if we tithe!  He will take care of us!  We had this proven over and over again when I thought we could not tithe and we did anyways and then BAM! a check would show up in the mail from someone who had overcharged us or something like that.  IT NEVER FAILED!!!  So our big lesson for today in our family is we are going back to tithing first over everything else.  I am tired of not having the "insurance" that we need.  He will never fall back on His promises...He has not yet.  Anyways the point of this blog is not to share our finances but to give testimony on His promises for our family.  This is our issue we have struggled with in our trust in Him.  What is funny is I am more relieved now that we are back to tithing then anything.  He always provided and I know He always will!!!

31 Weeks Pregnant and Physical Evalutions:)

So I am 31 weeks.  The top picture is my 30 week and then the one over to the left is my 31 week picture.  I am really starting to feel it.  My legs are killing me.  I waddle a lot and I do not feel like it is so much on how big I am but how much I hurt.....there.  Anyways Jayce is around 3 pounds although he does not feel as heavy as he is long.  He moves like crazy!  He is all over the place.  Other then the pain from walking I feel okay.  I feel very out of shape and huge.  I cannot wait to get back to running and into my little clothes.  I have about 5 outfits I wear and that is all I fit in.  Breckens therapists are probably wondering if I have any other clothes...lol.  We scheduled my c-section for September 18th.  My mom will be out to help with the kids.  I am so ready to sit in a hospital on drugs with a cute boy for a couple days:)

 We got Breckens Physical Therapy Evaluation back.  We are still waiting on his Speech and Occupational Evaluations to get to us.  First I feel as if I need to explain again Breckens condition.  I have had many people say he seems to understand like a 3 year old so they think the tests are wrong.  Okay....Brecken has Cerebral Palsy.  This has NOTHING to do with his mental health whatsoever.  He has absolutely no metal handicap at all.  He is cognatively a 3 and a half year old boy.  His brain damage is in the frontal lobe and Corpus Callosum.  The frontal lobe is where the motor movement is controlled and the Corpus Callosum is the part that connects the left to the right side of the brain.  Okay so we have that cleared up.  No mental handicap.  With the frontal lobe being damaged it confuses his body into doing weird things.  Moving oddly and not having a whole lot of muscle tone (he is very weak and this cause his drooling and limbs to go limp...hence the therapy to make him stronger) and the when he tells his body to do something like speak or to walk without falling over, his Corpus Callusum is so thin that it is like trying to shove a baseball into a straw...the info does not fit and his body again slows down and this is why he will fall or have trouble stopping when walking or why he is having trouble speaking.  So YES my son is a normal 3 and a half year old.  He thinks like one and cognitively knows what is going on like a 3 year old.....he is only physically handicap.  Just clearing that all up!!  So anyways we got his evaluation back and 6 months ago he was at a 19 month old level physically.  He is now testing at a 22 month level (he moves like a 22 month old).  His doctors are happy with him progressing however he added 3 months onto the gap.  This is not an ideal thing.  We have to see what  our plan of action is on this.  It sounds like more therapy.  Which is hard because he already does 5 therapies a week and goes to a special needs school 4 days a week.  I just do not want him to get to overwhelmed although I know his therapists are awesome and know what they are doing so I am confident they know what we should be doing.  We will just keep doing what we are doing to get our dude where he needs to go:) 

This is Brecken and his Occupational Therapist Kristen!  She is great!!  The girls get to join in which is encouraged so that they can understand more about what Brecken has to go through to do normal things.  Here they are all doing yoga.  The girls really love getting involved!  This is so great that they encourage this at his therapies!!

Well I hope everybody has a great week!  Taylor has Summer Jam at church so she will be gone most of the week and Brecken will be at summer school so it is back to just me and Bailey for a week:)

29 Weeks and Summer School!!

 So here is the big 29!  I am 29 weeks and feeling it!!  I do not feel too bad I am just getting sore and having a hard time breathing!  He does not feel super heavy but he seems very long.  I went in for my appointment yesterday and all looks good!  He has a strong heart beat and is measuring right on.  They now have to see me every 2 weeks.  I also got to schedule my c-section for September 18th so we have a light at the end of the tunnel!!  Well for Jayce it is more like a cold surprise wth lots of masked people around.

 Here are his 4D ultrasound pics!  He looks like Brecken and Bailey mixed I think.  Poor Doug...the only kid that looks like him is Taylor.  I even had someone the other day tell me they all look like me and none of them look like Doug.  I still think Taylor is closer to looking like Doug then me though.  This kid like all our kids have the Riney nose:)  I am really excited to hold him!!

Brecken has started summer school.  With his CP he is eligible to do summer school and he loves it so of course who am I to say no to 2 hours of him off playing:)  He has the same teacher that he had in school so he is comfortable going.  Very cool for this kid!!

Daughters:)

So I am sure you have all heard that song by John Mayer called "Daughters".  I hear it on my Pandora a lot and I LOVE this song.  I just really feel he explains a girl becoming a woman so well.  Here is a verse that gets me

Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will live like you do
Girls become lovers
Who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too

When I sit and think of the words and where I was in life as a daughter.  Then becoming a wife and lover.  Then having a life inside of me and becoming a mother.  Wow do we really go through changes or what.  My heart changed so much during each stage too!  The most amazing thing is knowing I get to be there to watch my daughters grow.  To see them play around and be kids now and then watch them fall in love and become that woman that stands beside her husband.  Then to get the news that they are carrying a life inside them and knowing their whole world is going to change for the better.  I pray my girls have a daughter.  Not for the same reason that most moms say "I hope you have a girl just like you" but for the fact that knowing how much I changed at each stage of life and being able to be apart of my daughters lives and knowing how unique a mother daughter relationship is.  I am so happy to have my girls and love that I will have this relationship to hold on to with each one!!

Cloth Diapers!

Yes we have decided to cloth diaper our children.  Here is a shot of Baileys new diaper butt!  And our dog who gets a little nervous with her hugging him....lol.  Anyways we have been trying to figure out ways to save a little money around here and of course diapers should be the first to go!!  We spend about$100 a month on diapers and wipes with 2 kids in diapers at a time usually.  That is a lot of moola. I could find a ton of other things to spend $100 on.  Plus look at her little booty!  Super cute.  Anyways so far she is liking them a lot!  So am I although I have not had to change a nasty one yet.  So I spent $87 on 6 diapers just so I could test them out and I am planning on buying another batch soon.  So that is about $180 I am spending per kid on diapers if I get each 12 diapers and $700 per kid a year on disposables....no brainer.  So this is the first of many changes!!

 

I also started making a lot of our own stuff from scratch like bread and tortillas.  We actually eat more tortillas then bread.  We substitute them for bread on sandwiches and such. 

 Here is my first shot at bread and it turned out good!  I was surprised!!  I am really liking this whole 60s wife thing.  I feel very accomplished in making this and doing certain things and I like that I can teach the girls some of this stuff!!  Anyways there is a lot more to come.  I will be making our own laundry detergent and softener.  Plus other different cleaning supplies.  Yay for saving money!!

Being his mom:)

So I was not going to write anything about how I have been feeling lately.  I really am not sure if I can put this down into words on how I am feeling lately with being Breckens mom.  Plus I feel as if one day he will ask why I dwelled so much on being his mom.  Then I go back and talk to some women who are either in the same boat and just want to know that what they feel is okay and realize that maybe I should keep posting how I feel because I know having someone just speak from the heart on how they feel and knowing I am not alone is an amazing motivator for me to be all I can be for Brecken.

First of all I love my son.  I have NEVER ever sat and wished I did not have to deal with him or ever wished he was not in our lives.  Just want to make that LOUD and CLEAR!!  So he was diagnosed a year ago and this last year has been a crazy crazy year.  First of all when we found out we were at a lose.  What on earth do you do for your child and where do you even start!?  Thankfully we had an AMAZING doctor who laid it all out for us.  What he would need from us and gave us the info on where to go to get it.  Having a doctor like that I feel makes all the difference in the world.  So we go through all of this and I know most of you have read my other blogs.  Of course I go through the blaming myself phase.  The what did I do wrong to cause this phase.  The one phase that really got me was "am I really strong enough to be what he needs me to be" phase.  Jump ahead a couple months and we are full swing into his therapies and it really has just become life for us.  I must admit when I first found out about Brecken I would wake up thinking "My son has Cerebral Palsy" and go to bed thinking the same thought.  It just really threw my world in a spin trying to figure out all I had to do and calls I had to make and how many doctors we needed and then to find out we should teach him sign language.  Now it does not even cross my mind.  He is my son and I never even think about his CP, even when we are at therapy, unless someone asks about it.  So we are still going strong and he is for sure getting strong!  He is doing amazing things!!  Skip ahead a couple more months.  We get a Orthopedist out here in California and take Brecken to him.  He looks at him for 10 minutes and says in a very hard to understand Russian accent "He does not have CP.  I know what CP look like and he does not have it.  Take the braces off and throw them away.  Cancel his therapies.  No need."  I of course try to argue being that we have many specialists who agree he does, all his therapists agree and an MRI and XRays kind of showing this all too.  The doctor dismisses it all and sticks with his diagnoses...or lack of.  We leave and I am sort of in shock!  In my head I keep thinking "Did I really put my son through all of this for nothing?  Is he really okay?  What is wrong with me if I made this all up in my head!?  I am a horrible mother for letting him endure all of this!"  This scares me in thinking what kind of mother would do this to her kid if he was okay the whole time.  So I take him to his therapies and of course his therapists totally disagree with this man and I get a referral for a second opinion.

We finally get an appointment and go in to see this other doctor.  He specializes in children with CP and we will be seeing the Orthopedist at the same time.  We go in and they go over his file (I have a freaking book I take in every time we see a new doctor) and they look at him.  They get some fresh XRays and make him run up and down the halls (which he loves!) and play around with his legs to see how his joints are moving.  They sit down with us and tell us everything the doctor who diagnosed him with Cerebral Palsy told us.  I mean literally down to the small spastic he has in his left ankle.  Now I feel a wave of relief.  Yes relief!  Knowing I did not force anything on him that he did not need.  Knowing we were right on track the entire time and that this other doctor who said it was all wrong was a loon!  Now here is where I want to discuss these "feelings" I have been having.

When I say relief I feel many people would think "well don't you wish he really was okay?"  Now I have a lot of friends who have kids with handicaps.  I have friends with kids who have Downs Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy and other different types of disabilities.  If you ask any of them that question let me tell you what I think most of them would say.....I am not trying to speak for anybody else but this is what I feel we all say when we smile at someone who has just asked us that question.  Do I wish he was okay....yes.  There are days I think about what it would be like if he did not have to struggle so hard to do very simple things and I can see the confusion in his eyes when he sees his little sister doing things he cannot do yet.  There are days when he gets a spasm in his body that I wish I could take it away and not have him go through that pain.  There are days that I see him struggle so hard to say what he wants to say and he cannot get his body to respond and it makes him so angry.  Do I wish he was okay...yes.  Here is what that smile means when a mom with a handicap child answers your question.  I cannot imagine him any different!  He has brought a light to my family that I cannot explain.  He has taught my girls to love other children who are different because those kids are just as amazing!  He has taught me how to be so proud and to not take anything for granted.  He has taught me what it REALLY means to be strong and to show people you do not have to be "normal" to be AMAZING!!  Through him I have met some amazing moms and amazing kids!!  He has completed my family in a way that nobody could ever understand unless you stand in the shoes of a mother who walks beside a child with a handicap.  Do not get me wrong.  My girls are amazing with their normalness.  Lol.  They are just as much a light in our family as Brecken...there just seems to be a whole other level of...something I cannot put into words...ever since he pulled us all together even tighter then we were.  I still have my days where I wonder what it would be like....I watch other 3 year olds run around without leg braces....being able to speak to their moms....wondering who he would be but then I hear his voice...the slurred and hard to understand little voice God has blessed him with say "I aa oo maaa (I love you mom)" and I can't help but think "Thank you God...thank you thank you thank you for thinking I am strong enough to be his mom and trusting him with me!"

So when you look at any child who has a disability and you wonder about the mom holding his or her hand and think to yourself "Thank God I have healthy children" (which you should because healthy children are a huge blessing and I know I thank God Brecken is not as severe as others and I definitely thank God my girls are healthy and pray Jayce is healthy and strong) just remember that that mom is also thanking God for her amazing child no matter how different they are.  Yes we wonder what it would be like.....we are human.  However we also realize how amazingly blessed we are and I know just for me....I am a better person because of all my kids but especially him.  So when I talk about my feelings on having Brecken it is never feeling sorry for myself and even when I have those times where I have to go to my room and shut the door and just let the tears pour it is not because I sad he is here or mine.  It is because I feel for him.  As a mom you are only as happy as your saddest child and there are those days you don't want them to go through any of it.  The stares, the difficulty doing things, any pain that they endure....the same as you would feel for any child who is going through a tough time.  I am allowed to cry.  I am allowed to mourn the lose of what I thought was supposed to be.  I am allowed to want everything to be "normal".  However I get up, wipe my face and walk out of my room knowing I have an amazing son and if I had to do it all over again...I would pick him every time.

Brecken....mama loves you more then you could even imagine!!  You and your sisters are making me a better person just by having you in my daily life and I just want you to know how much you mean to me and that your smile and spirit make every morning worth waking up to see:)  Stay you and keep going because I have a feeling your going to make a huge splash and do amazing things!!!  You are my Superman!!  I aa oo so so so much:)

Potty Training!!

So this was a LOT easier with Taylor.  She just woke up one day and wanted to pee on the potty and that was that.  Brecken has been fighting us so hard on this and finally the other day I told him mommy just cannot have him in baby diapers anymore so he HAS to pee and poo on the potty and he said okay.  Lol.  So far we are on day 3.  He has had a couple pee accidents but no poop accidents!!  All his poop has gone in the potty!!  Yay!!  He is cracking me up through all this with his potty dancing and silly faces he makes.  All in all it has been a lot less crazy then I thought.  I am praying he is potty trained completely within the month and maybe we can start working on Bailey before Jayce is here!!

24 weeks!!

Okay so I am 24 weeks with this sweet boy.  I am getting VERY uncomfortable which is lame.  I was hoping to get a little more just looking cute time without the pain.  Sleeping has been huge challenge but I have 5 pillows now and actually sleeping very well.  The only time I really wake up at night is when he decides to practice his jump kick which is usually around 3 in the morning.  My 5s do not fit over my butt anymore which sort of bums me out but my 7s do fit as long as I do not button them.  At least I am still in single digits!!  The kids have been able to feel him kick which has been a ton of fun to watch.  Taylor and Brecken think it is the best thing ever.  When he kicks Bailey she lays her head on my belly and just talks to him.  It is really sweet.  I am trying to sit and relax as much as possible but that is proving difficult with 3 other ones running around.  Thankfully Doug has been able to take one of Breckens therapies a week and he takes Bailey with him so I get Friday mornings to rest.  I have nixed running for the time being....my sciatic nerve is killer these days.  So pretty much just trying to sit as much as possible and enjoy watching him shake his little booty!  I have an appointment next week.  Other then that I am actually getting really excited to meet this little guy!  This pregnancy is going fast and life is good!!

Birthday Week!!

So like I said May is a big month for us.  First it is Mothers Day in which I sat and did nothing.  Best Mothers Day ever.  Then my Taylor turned 6!  Wow we now have a 6 year old.  I feel as if I should not be that old.  She is growing so fast!  So we had a family BBQ/birthday party for her.  

 

Yay for BBQ!!  I love BBQing here and in Cali the weather is mostly BBQ weather so we do it often:)

  

Happy Birthday to the birthday girl!!

 My girls:)

 My handsome boy:)

 Blowing out her birthday candles

We had to cancel our Colorado trip so instead we were blessed with someone giving us their tickets to Disneyland!!  So we were able to get the kids up there and enjoy a day with Mickey and Minnie!  The day was a lot of fun and the kids had a blast!  Brecken went on the Buzz ride a million times and Taylor rode everything!!  Bailey went on all the rides mommy was allowed to ride with Jayce in her belly. 

 My cute Minnie girl:)

 Brecken likes Mickey but he asked for Buzz all day.

Here we are in front of the castle:)  

Doug took the entire week off so it was an awesome week and a nice break for me.  I got to sit on my 29th birthday and do nothing which usually makes me feel guilty but not that day!  We had a lot of fun and got a lot done around the house which was nice.  I am 22 weeks pregnant with Jayce so I am trying to get as much done as possible before he arrives.  We all know after the first baby that they all seem to come a lot faster!  Time is flying!!  So all in all birthday week was a HUGE success!!!