So Blessed

So we had a little speed bump in the pregnancy. I was bleeding a little bit the other night. Not a lot so I was not too worried. Then I woke up the next morning and I had big clots coming out. So I called my friend and she rushed over while another friend came over to watch the kids. Jenna took me to the ER and we sat there for freaking ever. She brought Jax who did so good!! My kids I do not think would have sat being that good for like 5 hours. When they finally did the pelvic exam he was not happy about how much blood there was. Then they did the ultrasound and I saw my baby jumping around and kicking. A beautiful heartbeat was going crazy too. I broke and just cried. I have never really cried at seeing my kids on that screen. So all in all my baby is perfect and okay. The bleeding however came from my placenta being on my cervix. Not a good thing but definitely the best thing that could happen since it is easily dealt with. Just do not lift little chubby 1 year olds. Haha!! Yeah so My mom will be here in a couple hours to take over the heavy lifting for a couple weeks and then my mother in law will switch with her. I had my friend Paula bring me some diapers and dinner last night and Jessica spent the night with us. I really do have the best friends ever all around. So just a little hiccup and we are fixing the situation and hoping that is the biggest and last problem we have :)

TGIF...I guess

I am not so excited about weekends anymore now that Doug is gone. They are just like any old day now. Today was rough. I am pretty sure I spent most of the day in tears. I was going to call someone to come over just to talk but I always feel bad about doing that. Kind of like my problems are not theirs. My body is starting to hurt really bad. I keep getting myself into thinking that I can do this and it will not be that hard but then it all falls apart and I am thinking maybe I can't. Being pregnant puts a whole different...I want to say problem but the baby is not a problem but another difficulty to deal with. I am so weepy all the time and I am never like this for this long. At least not all day long. I have thought about moving out to Colorado but there are way too many things to deal with in that and it is not worth it. I keep thinking maybe I need help. Maybe go to my doctor and tell her that it seems to be more then just sad. My chest just hurts so bad all the time. Well not so much my chest but my heart. Kind of funny how when your heartbroken it can physically hurt. I know this weather is not helping at all. Stupid cold and rain. I want it to be hot. I want to be able to go outside when I am sad. That always helps. Anyways just gibberish. I am going to hopefully take a bath and go to bed early. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day:)

11 weeks :)

So I went to my first baby appointment today. They told me all the fun stuff that I need to know like I have to have a c-section again and that I will be more sore this pregnancy. Duh. Anyways he could not find the heartbeat so she brought in the ultrasound machine and YAY!! I have never seen any of my kids that little. I only saw them at 20 weeks and older so I was really excited to see this little guy flipping his little flipper feet around. He/she was all over the place. I have not started feeling movement yet but I am figuring in the next week or so I will. I felt Brecken at about 12 weeks and Taylor at 14. Anyways it just made this whole thing more real and since I have been so down it was nice to have a little pick me up. The doctor shook her head when I told her I had a 3 year old and a son who just turned 1 and that Doug was deployed. It was funny. Well now I am all excited about this baby!! There is the update for now.

Exhausted and heartbroken

So Doug is gone. I am miserable. On our last night together we spent it with him holding my hair back as I threw up. I was sobbing so bad so I do not think that helped out. We had to drop him off very early. I hated it. Taylor did pretty good but Brecken was crying saying dada. I am still not feeling great so that did not help. I can't stop crying at all and I hate feeling like this. I just keep thinking it is not fair. He just got home. I know it will go fast and I know how much I love this military life but this just always hurts. I feel like I have a huge hole in my chest. I have been finding sticky notes from him all over the house :) He also made a DVD for us but I have not been able to watch it. I am crying so much already. I just want him to be home more then 5 months at a time. Well I am going to go pity party. I always give myself 1-2 days before I have to snap out of it and be the adult in the house. Day #1 :(

Mini Van Mama!!

Yes I got myself a mini van!! I am actually very excited and I love it!! I was torn between the coolness of a third row SUV and the convenience of a mini van. We chose the mini van just because I was afraid I would regret it later on when we have all 4 kids out. I am sad to give up the coolness and I am still a SUV lover but if I have to grow up and be a soccer mom...so be it. I got a 2010 Honda Odessy. It has automatic doors and a dvd player for the kiddos. I can listen to the radio up front and they can listen to the movie in back or they can listen to their own CD in back while I listen to my own up front. Lots of storage and I mean there is a ton!! I keep finding compartments. We had them buy the Malibu from us which was nice. They gave us a couple thousand over what we owed which was very nice. Doug will keep the Jeep for now. It is lower to the ground so Taylor can get up into it very easily. She can also close the doors by herself and that makes her very excited. It really is all around a really nice van. Plus I do not have to buy a car for a very very long time. So now I am officially an old mom.

Well we have had a bunch of things happen here. A lot of our friends got sent off to Haiti. Kind of sucks because it was all last minute for them. Doug is about to peace out too. I am scared and excited to get this deployment over with. It will be nice to get him home and have this baby. I say it all the time but it is the truth and I love that I have this but I have awesome friends here, some of which are going through the same thing, to help out. I am really blessed to have the girls I do out here :)

Other than that just pray for Doug and us. Also pray for the families and the people who went our to Haiti. We had civilian and military friends go out there and we just want them home soon and safe. The families need prayer because they do not know how long they will all be gone and this all happened very fast for them. I love you guys :) I love that I am surrounded by such strong women!! Once again I am so blessed. Well Brecken is screaming. I have my first doctors appointment this week so I will update!

Par-tey!!

So we had Breckens very first birthday party today. He loved the cake. The pizza was not so great. I remember Tonys being better but they were nasty today. Oh well. The cake was good. He got some cute pajamas and a couple of toys. Poor kid passed out as soon as everybody left. It was fun though. I actually felt really good today so I was up and showered and actually looked nice. That does not happen a lot when I am pregnant. We found out that one of our friends is pregnant with her third so that was cool. I am just very happy that we are through all of our holidays until May.

These next couple of weeks are going to be very busy. I start my baby appointments this month which I am looking forward too. I know that hearing the heartbeat will make this baby more real to me. We have decided so far that if it is a girl it will be Bailey Ryan and if it is a boy Ryland Christian although that is subject to change. Brecken also starts his appointments coming up. We ask that you pray for him. I am not ready to discuss it at this point but we ask for prayer. I start school next week and I am ready but not so much. Oh well. Also Doug will be leaving soon. Definitely bummed on that but it will be nice to get this deployment over with. When he gets home we will soon be a family of 5. Wow. I cannot believe it. We went from being married 6 years ago to living in a different state and having kids. Pretty awesome.

Well I am 9 weeks pregnant and I am feeling really good as of now. That is great because I need to get back to my routine. The baby is the size of a grape and does not have a tail anymore....hopefully. I am really excited to be a mama again. I think we are still wanting another baby after this but we have to see. If we have another boy I would love to have another baby but if we have a girl I will be hesitant. If you have a girl you know why :) Anyways that is all so far. Hopefully I stay feeling great and I do not fall apart these next couple of weeks. Here are some birthday pics!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BRECKEN!!

One year ago today I was in the hospital getting ready to give birth to the sweetest, most adorable and lovable little boy ever!! When I had my daughter I was not sure I could ever fall in love with another baby...well I was very very wrong!! I fell just as much in love with him as I did with her. He has been a blessing to my life in more ways then one. He is always smiling and laughing and I love him so much!! Happy birthday my little boy!! Mommy and daddy love you so much and cannot wait to spend more years watching you grow and thrive!! You and your sister and your other sibling are proof beyond a doubt that there is a good and loving God!! I love love love love you!!

Happy New Years!!

I am so glad it is 2010!! I am ready to get on with it. So Brecken turns 1 on the 5th. I cannot believe my baby is already going to be 1. I am also finally to 8 weeks. I want to get to Valentines Day so I feel better. I am just not feeling good and I hate this. I decided to bust out the maternity clothes. I am tired of trying to suck it in and it is pointless. I asked my mom when she started to show with her third and she said at about 8 weeks so I feel better about it now. Well Happy New Years and hopefully this year is full of good things!!