Cerebral Palsy

So we went back in and we already knew Brecken had PVL which he was tested for and this is an indicator for Cerebral Palsy. So we knew it was something we may have to deal with. Well we got the final final diagnoses and he does have Cerebral Palsy. Thankfully it is high functioning. So his official diagnoses is Cerebral Palsy due to Peri ventricular Leukamalacia. The PVL explains what part of his brain is injured and the CP explains what his body will do in response. The WORST part of all this is it is a sit and watch thing. They have no idea how bad he will get or how much better. There is such a wide range of how kids turn out that they cannot tell us what to expect. I am a planner and this bugs me not knowing what is going to happen. So here we are as of now. As most of you know Brecken has leg braces. He will be in those for a long time. He will only need a wheelchair for extreme cases where we are walking a lot but not for day to day activities. He will most likely always walk funny BUT he is walking which is awesome! Next his speech. Another thing we sit and watch. Some kids never talk and some do. His doctors believe he will talk at some point but it will sound funny and be slow and slurred. He says mama now but it is extremely slow and seems very forced and he does sound odd saying it. I do not care...it is music to my ears!! He says dada and it comes out smoother but still sounds odd. We are doing sign language with him now and will take classes to become fluent and he will use this as his main communication. I feel weird doing it since he can hear me but I am doing it and he is picking it up really fast and seems relieved he can finally talk! Also he has very loose muscles. He cannot control them all the time and that is why he still drools and has an open mouth all the time. He cannot get his face to do what he tells it to do. This is true for his entire body. Now he does have control but it is limited. He has trouble with his hands, legs and face as of now and when he gets really excited he pulls his arms up to his chest. CP reacts more intensely when people are scared or excited and that is when it is most noticeable. He also cannot feel pain in his muscles (the type of pain you get when you pull a muscle or the soreness you have after working out...he can feel pain like pinching or if he scraps his knee). He will have problems learning but he really can live a normal life. I have never known him any other way then the way he is so the way he is to me is perfection. I love him so much.

I have had one person ask me how I am doing. Like I said I do not know him any other way so this to me is normal. It is overwhelming to think about sometimes but I have high hopes for him since he is high functioning. I don't really know how I feel. I feel like if I am sad then I am saying he is not good enough but if I am happy then I am not dealing with the emotions. I am sort of in limbo right now. I have not really had anybody to talk to about it and I am feeling sort of secluded. I have too many people starting off with "it could be worse" and so I do not feel like letting out my emotions with those people...sorry guys but that is a really mean thing to say I think. It kind of makes me feel like I should not have any emotions about this and if I was to cry I would be over doing it. I know it could be worse and I know Brecken is at the good end of this and I am SOOO thankful for that but it still is hard to know I have a handicap son and not because I feel bad for me but because I want him to be able to live to the fullest and if I could I would trade places with him in a second so he did not have to deal with all this. I love my son and like I said he is perfection to me but it still hurts. So PLEASE no more "it could be worse"...I know that. Anyways that is what is up now and I will try and post more later. I am trying to keep this updated as much as possible because I know other moms have had questions concerning their kids and I just wish I knew someone I could talk to who went through something like this so I want to make sure you all know I am here if you need anything.