Diagnosed

Okay so we got a phone call last week from Breckens Developmental Specialist telling us that she needed to see us. I went in today and when they asked to wait for my husband I started getting nervous. Finally Doug got there and we sat down with Dr. Cooper. She went through Breckens labs and everything came back great. The EKG also came back clean. Next was the MRI. She showed us 2 pages explaining the MRI which I knew was not a good thing. She explained to us that Brecken had Periventricular Leukomalacia. His Corpus Callosum is extremely thin and this effected his brain in the areas where his brain tells his lower extremity's to move and this is the part of the brain that helps you learn by hearing. So he has a hard time learning anything when he is just being told how to do it and this is why he is having so much trouble with the lower half of his body. The cause of this was a blood clot that went through my placenta and in the 2nd trimester this is when this part of the brain develops and the blot clot traveled to this part of his brain which cause it to stop developing. There were 2 different outcomes to this happening. How Brecken is now or me miscarrying him. Thank you JESUS for letting me have my boy! So now the part where I ask what we do now. Brecken will be in leg braces for a while. How long depends on him. He will need to have special teachers and therapists until he graduates. He will have a crew of doctors by his side throughout his life. How far he goes in life depends on his fight to get there and us pushing him along the way. This is the part where she said she has seen many parents use this as an excuse to let their kid fall behind. First of all Brecken already is a fighter. When I tell him no that makes him want to do it and when I tell him he is too young and cannot do what his older sister is doing that makes him want to prove me wrong. I knew there was a reason he fought me every step of the way to prove he could do whatever he wanted and now I know why. I told the doctor I am not worried about his fight to accomplish things. He is already pushing himself!! She said if he pushes himself and really tries with our help then he can live a pretty normal life. So now we start the process of having a handicap child. She told us we needed to get handicap stickers for our cars and that he was not going to be able to walk as much as we do. Again she said how far he goes in his walking depends on him and us. She said if we raise our son to the bar and not lower the bar to our son then he will get further in life then most normal people much less people with this diagnoses.

I am not sure how I feel yet. I am still rolling around in my brain what this is going to be like. I have started to cry a couple times but caught myself because I do not know if I can stop at this point. I need to know before I cry that I can stop. I am torn because I am SO happy that after 2 years we finally have a diagnoses and that it is something that will not take our boy away from us (always a fear when a doctor calls and says they need to talk in person) yet afraid of what he will have to go through. I don't know yet. A whole other blog I guess. My heart hurts but I cannot figure out how to deal with this yet. I just know God will get us through and that He is here for me. My son is strong and he is a stubborn, bull headed little boy and that is what is going to make him great. I love him so much:)